Friday, July 31, 2009

Jumping in

Perfect hair. Perfect family. Perfect house. Perfect hair. Perfect kids. Perfect religion. Perfect job. Did I mention perfect hair? The quest for perfection can become too much, too overwhelming. Even ... paralyzing.

I've thought about blogging off and on over the years but never made it all the way to the first post. It might seem silly, but it's my need for perfection that's held me back all this time. Even now, I'm typing and deleting and retyping these words over and over, trying to get them just right.

Is the punctuation right? What about the spelling? (It would be pretty embarrassing for a copy editor to have a bunch of mistakes in her posts.) Do the words flow? Is it too random? Will people think it's dumb? Will anyone even read it?

It's paralyzing. And so I do nothing, writing nothing. That way I don't have to worry about what people think or how I could have done it better. I write endless posts and e-mails in my head, where they swirl around endlessly, never flying from my fingers and onto the page.

But as I get older, I realize that these fears, and others just like them, are holding me back. Socially, emotionally, professionally, personally. It's time to just get over it and do something. Anything. And be willing to extend myself the grace to fail. In the words of the great FlyLady, we need "progress not perfection."

And so, here I am. Jumping in right here. I've even named to blog as a reminder -- Jminus, from our last name and a not-quite-perfect grade. It may not always be pretty and it may not (ever) be perfect, but that's OK. Tomorrow I'll make a different mistake.

Now, if I can just corral the kids long enough to post ...

Right now I'm thinking that this blog will be about family happenings and other things on my mind, with a casual theme of preventing paralyzing perfection. Right now that might include items about home-schooling, bargain hunting, debt reduction and saving, and the occasional rant on current events. But don't hold me to that.

After all, nobody's perfect. Even if they edit their posts over and over and over and over ...

2 comments:

AshliO said...

I struggle with the fear of imperfection as well. But I think the risk is worth it. For the last couple years I blogged religiously and the had to quit because my own honesty became too painful for me. I'm slowly wading back into the waters with safe, family-oriented posts. I imagine I'll find my own "voice" again soon enough. If nothing else, a blog makes for an excellent family history for your kids some day. I'm using a blog book company to print last year's blog for me into a book for myself -- just don't want to lose all that ... even if I did have to shut it down for my own sanity. With that, welcome to the wonderful world of blogging!

—ecj said...

Thanks for the welcome! I'm glad you're still writing, even it is "safe" topics. You've been through a lot over the last year or so, and it's understandable that you'd want to start fresh. Your photos are beautiful, by the way. Just a couple more days...

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